IC Contact

[baruthumos]

You've reached Omega.

If this is a medical emergency, leave your location and the nature of the emergency, any allergies or conditions, and I will be right there.

If you need someone to have a medical emergency, leave your name and a way to contact you.

And if this is about a child, leave your location, the nature of the problem, and tell them I will be right there.

Comments

[protective_logic]

I wasn't going to be a part of your decision. You already made it. You already chose money over our family.

Yes, stability, I know. Money. I know. But maybe if you'd ever considered, for even half a second, talking to me and Eppy and Sig before you made this decision that could change ALL of our lives...

You made a unilateral decision. Not your first. Not your last.

Amazing how you take offense when I do the same.

[baruthumos]

Would you have even considered the idea? If I came to you with no proof, with no evidence it could be done safely, with no contacts and no specifics? Or would you have rejected it out of hand?

I didn't make any promises until you decided to run off and refuse to answer my calls! I didn't quit Ed's until it was Monday and I had four kids to get to school, when I was supposed to be working, and guess what they don't take as an acceptable reason to miss work? So you got to make the unilateral decision I wasn't working there anymore. Do you have anywhere else for me to work?

When you're ready to discuss this like a responsible adult, we'll be waiting.

And if you just want to hurl abuse at me like a child, I won't block your number. At least then I know you're alive.

[protective_logic]

How do you always turn it back on me? How is it that every time I speak to you I'm left feeling so small and insignificant?

At least Price was only patronizing because we were so young. I don't even know why you do it.

I'm not going to be coming home, Omega. You've proven I don't belong there.

[baruthumos]

I don't know, I'm not doing it on purpose. Maybe you just make poor choices, did you ever think about that? I'm not being patronizing. I'm just telling you what's going to happen! It's not my fault you apparently can't plan farther ahead than next week!

You keep saying that. How have I proven that. You need to give me something to fix instead of just repeating that it's broken!

[protective_logic]

Do you ever listen to yourself talk? Because you just made this about me and not us. You won't even admit that maybe your choice was a bad one. And You're 'just telling me what's going to happen'? That sounds a lot like what my problem is.

You really think I can't plan farther ahead than next week?

The local branch of Charon wanted me in for an interview at the end of the semester, after I finished my corporate finance class. Do you know what the starting salary for a Charon accountant is? Because I do. But I didn't want to tell you until I knew how the class went and I could talk to you about it, because I know how you feel about major corps.

[baruthumos]

And it didn't occur to you to mention this, when I asked how much the starting salary for an accountant is, if you had any offers? When I told you I would wait for you to talk to them, when I promised you if they paid enough, I'd never mention mercenary work again?

You really thought I'd put abstract politics over security for our family? That I'd tell you not to take a job you wanted?

I'm sorry, little brother. Apparently I failed somewhere along the way. I'm so sorry.

[protective_logic]

You said it had to pay more than yours. Charon's starting salary for the position ranges between sixty and sixty-five thousand a year, not including benefits. It isn't more.

We both know it's not the job I want. That isn't even remotely in play. And yes, I was certain you would. I still am.

And the real problem? After all these years and all the apologies? I can't even tell if you mean it anymore.

I talked to the college today. My professors won't let me drop. One offered to give me an extension on all my classwork. I'll be doing it between what I'm being paid to do by a friend you don't know, and the job I've been offered by... Well, I'm not telling you who. Maybe I'll still go after the Charon job. Maybe I won't. I don't even know what I want anymore, or who I should be. But I know where I won't find them.

[baruthumos]

I said, for the third time, that if it paid more, I'd never mention mercenary work again. For sixty-five? I would have stuck with construction, as long as I could. I probably would have threatened to call Maine every time someone's birthday came up, but if you had told me that before I went and made promises to people, before Ed fired me, things would be different.

But since you decided you could read my mind, and threw a temper tantrum over what you thought I was thinking rather than the words coming out of my mouth, we'll never know.

I'm glad you're sticking with school. I want you to be able to choose, that's all I ever wanted. Come by the house sometime, alright? Let the kids know it's not their fault.

[protective_logic]

Since you decided before I could even talk to you about it that mercenary work was better than anything else and that it clearly wasn't reasonable for me to assume that my potential employment would ever be worth while, I saw no reason to bring it up.

As you pointed out, I had been wasting my time with my education. You will never understand how much that hurt. How much so much of what you said hurt. How scared I am for you at night, thinking about you going out to get yourself maybe killed.

The kids know it isn't their fault. I spoke with all of them today. They do know, on the other hand, that I'm mad at you. Which I tried to avoid. And they are upset I am not there. They will adjust. This is...

I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't, Omega. If I come back, you win because you'll assume I was too weak, that you were right, that I gave in. And if I never return, then I'm just another run away brother.

Problem is I don't think you'll ever respect me if I come back. And that's what I need. Respect. Support. Someone who takes me seriously. And that isn't you.

[baruthumos]

There you go with the mindreading again! Do you know how frustrating that is, to tell you one thing and then you turn around and tell me I clearly was thinking something else?

I'm sorry for what I said. I wish you would let me ... but clearly it was unforgivable. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be what you need. And if you can't believe me, well, I'm sorry about that too.

And the door will always be open to you. You know that, right?

If you don't come back, though. How can I respect someone who punishes the little ones for what I did?

[protective_logic]

You won't even admit you did anything wrong.

You told me that...

Do you remember what you asked of me when you threw Price out? Do you remember what you told me?

[baruthumos]

The only thing I'm guilty of, before you stomped off in a snit, was poor word choice. Of getting excited because I know how much you hate accounting, and I thought, maybe, you could get a degree in something you like better. All I wanted to do was talk about it with you.

But you went and decided it was a done deal, you decided we were going to fight over it, you decided that I wasn't going to listen to you.

And don't even start with the live-in nanny with no say line. I didn't hand down any edict about letting Sigma and Epsilon go to college instead of working. About whether Theta should have one of those IEPs or not. And remember how you got your way about selling the car? Or did you think I've just been humoring you all this time?

Now I'm sure you're just going to assume I'm lying, and tell me what I'm really thinking, and then crucify me over that. But will you at least admit that you are not some innocent saint here?

[protective_logic]

I never claimed to be a saint. Just that...

[A sigh. A weak, defeated sigh.]

I give up. There is no winning move.

I'll be home in the morning.

[baruthumos]

No winning move? Do you think this is a fucking game? There is some magic sentence that will...I don't even know what the fuck you want!

Just. Can we talk about this? Not tomorrow. But if I ask Maine about jobs without guns, can we talk about that? Would that make you feel better?

[protective_logic]

Yes. We'll talk.